想起

最近小猩猩說想念我做的派，讓我想起那種失落很久的感覺。以前還在念書的時候，放暑假都會待在家裡，早上載小猩猩去上學，白天一個人在家，看看書，先準備幾道晚餐的菜，心血來潮還會做餅乾蛋糕。我很想要一個餐桌，全家人很開心的聚在一起吃飯，可能是我自己煮的，也有可能是家人一起煮的。我沒什麼其他想要的，不過這個目標好像越來越遙遠了。

也許小猩猩需要的只是有人陪伴，不一定想吃派，東西也不一定需要自己做，有很多折衷的辦法。所以，也許有些人覺得吃什麼都好，開心在一起吃比較重要，不一定要煮沒關係。只不過對我來說，料理同時也滿足我的心理需求。

如果大家都已經不想要了，只剩一個人在努力維持，那種完整可以撐多久呢？好像一顆風化的石頭，外表看起來很完整，一碰，就分崩離析了，是這樣嗎？Or there is actually a hidden tie that I haven't noticed and will only come out when we are facing real crisis? But everything seems so frail now. What should I do in my pursuit of happiness? I don't have much time though, for the kind of happiness I have longed for.

I wish to have a life like Carl and Ellie. You said it's just a cartoon, it's not real, and we can't have our life over in a few minutes. And yeah actually, I do wish to have my life passing by in a few minutes time. I know it is hard for you to know. But this is the real me. I feel so powerless to make any changes now. Perhaps, I need to pick up the pieces of my life first.